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Soun nodded, the motion just a touch unnatural as the wires stretched and tightened, permitting the head to bob up and down. “Precisely. However, what concerns me is the bait, and I was thinking of using one of my daughters in the same sort of trap we might use to catch the Master. What do you think?”

Genma scowled, rubbing his chin, as Akane steamed beside them. “Wouldn’t work, Tendo. As good an idea as that is, there’s no way that Ranma would fall for it. Back when he was ten years old I took him high up into the mountains to a Buddhist monastery. Their martial arts were nothing significant. However, by pretending to enroll my son as a monk, I was able to ensure that they used their secret celibacy rituals to ensure that he’d never be another man like our Master. From that day he’s never had the slightest curiosity about sex.” He slammed a fist into his palm in recognition, an idiotic grin upon his face. “I’d forgotten all about that until now.”

As the daughters looked on in various degrees of horror, Soun’s head once again bobbed in a slightly awkward nod, and a voice like his asked, “But my friend, if that’s the case how is he going to marry one of my girls to carry on the school? And your wife? How is he going to give her grandchildren?”

Genma froze in a ritual pose of Idiocy Revealed. After a heartbeat, he shook himself out of it and laughed, rubbing the back of his head in shame with one hand while the other stole rice from Soun. “You know, Tendo? I never thought of that!”

Mass facefault of everyone but the wire-controlled puppet. Even the wires went slack for a moment as the ninja controlling them smacked hard against the roof tiles. But the unconscious father of three didn’t sag much before control got reestablished.

“You mean, all this time Akane’s been treating Ranma like a hormone-driven pervert and he has NO SEX DRIVE AT ALL?!?!” Nabiki shouted, shock bringing her fully awake.

“None!” Genma agreed, still rubbing his bald head and grinning like the idiot he was. “From what the monks said, he’s not even capable of forming a sexual thought! I even got out of informing him of the Birds and the Bees, as he’s unable to discern any difference between boys and girls! Gender is completely below notice to him! He doesn’t care at all!”

The imbecile laughed loudly after bragging about that last part, his left hand continuing to steal rice from Soun’s bowl, sneaking it into his mouth between gales of laughter.

Ruroni Ranko, Chapter 4

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