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"Its not really that I like him," Lily was saying, "It just that he's been asking for so long, you know how I admire persistence--"

"Stubbornness, more like," Mathilda interrupted with a sly grin.

"And," Lily said, only a small smirk showing she'd even heard her friend. "I think he's wearing me down, you know? He's been asking all year, and I don't think he's really been as much of a prat lately, and maybe if I go out with him, he might be a bit nicer..."

"Lily." Mathilda took her gently by the shoulders and began to lead her out of their room and down the stairs to the common room. "This is what I'm hearing. 'I'm sick and tired of him bugging me, so sick of it that I'm willing to ignore the fact that he's a complete prat, and that by going out with him I'll just be giving him more time during which to bother me. Oh, and I think I can change him.' Do you hear yourself, Lily?"

"I know it sounds a bit mad Mattie, but I don't really see what harm it could do..."

"What harm? What Harm?" Mathilda stared at her incredulously, and, throwing caution to the winds, began explaining exactly why Lily should continue to turn James down. She was still ranting when they'd reached the Fat Lady and crossed paths with Remus and Peter.

"...Mass chaos!" Mathilda explained, waving her arms about. "Total confusion! Hogwarts would collapse! They very world we live in would change. Most likely for the worse! Lily, don't you realize that this twisted relationship you have with James is completely necessary in order to maintain...order!"

Lily had been staring, eyes wide, since Mathilda began her explanation. Remus, who was standing behind them with Peter and waiting to get out of the portrait hole, looked confused.

"Excuse me, Mathilda," he said, "Are you talking about Lily and James Potter?"

"Yes, I am. And just look how terrible their names sound together. Lily and James Potter." Mathilda shuddered slightly. "So completely wrong. They’ll kill us all with this foolishness."

"Oh, you're talking about the Theory, then?" Peter asked.

"The theory?" Remus and Lily asked simultaneously.

"Yes! Thank you!" Mathilda cried, throwing up her hands and clapping a bit in her excitement. "Finally, someone else who knows the Theory!"

"What Theory?" Lily asked curiously.

"The Theory of a Stable Hogwarts through Stable Dysfunctionality." Peter said, adopting Remus' lecturing tone.

Remus' eyes nearly popped out of his head. "You think that applies here?"

"Yes, of course!" Mathilda said, rolling her eyes.

"Merlin!" Remus said, flabbergasted. "And here I was trying to help James!"

"Would someone please explain to me what's going on?" Lily asked testily.

"Oh, you wouldn't know, would you," Peter asked, looking at her appraisingly. "I'm not the best at explaining things...Remus?"

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2668843/2/Billywigs