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After skimming Sombra’s Big Book of Demons, or Big Book of Demon Summoning, or Demonic Magic, or…well, it had something to do with demons. Anyway, after reading Sombra’s black magic spell book, I realized something: people that summon demons are morons!

Sure, there’s all those stories about how this or that guy met some demon on a crossroads and traded his soul for whatever, and several years later the devil went down to Georgia to collect. The whole problem with this idea is that a demon actually needs to bother making some kind of deal for a casual summoner’s soul.

I mean think about it. You’ve got this infinitely age old being of great cosmic power that gets called up by some dumbass that is pretty much an ant in comparison and taken out of his cozy hellish home to do some kind of favor? For the guy’s soul in some kind of deal that the demon has to work at?

Yeah, that’s not going to happen for so many reasons.

But, just for shits and giggles, let’s say you actually decided to call on some hell spawn to try for that whole, ‘I’ll give you my soul if you make that hot chick love me’ kind of thing, or money, or a neat truck. You’re already summoning a demon with little experience on the thing, so yeah, you’re stupid enough to sell your soul for a truck.

Now, for starters, the demon doesn’t need to actually work to get the your soul. You just summoned a demon, you’re already damned. In fact, the damned status of your soul makes it pretty unclean, and therefore, unwanted by the majority of all things below. They’ve already got tons of them. What the fuck would they want with yours?

Second off, demons are mean, egotistical bastards. Even if one of these things did what your soul, a demon isn’t going to sit around doing some stupid job that may take hours, days, or years, when he could just reach forward, smash your body into little pieces, eat your soul right then and there, and then go home. Possibly causing a little bit of genocide before he leaves because…well, he’s in the neighborhood and as long as he’s in Florida, might as well go see Disneyland.

In fact, the only guys that should be summoning demons are the guys that can beat them down, wrap a chain around their necks, and make them their bitch. The kind of guys that don’t really need them in the first place. Sombra was one of these guys. He could deal with the monsters as an equal because he was already a pretty powerful unicorn before going to the dark side. Even the bigger ones had to make deal with him, because trying to just kill Sombra and take the goods would have been too troublesome.

Twinkling Guardian however, was just your run of the mill dumbass. He had no awesome magical powers or weapons to make the demon wonder if messing with the guy would have been a bad idea He just knew how to put the money in the coin slot and make the phone call to area code 666.

https://www.fimfiction.net/story/187407/24/my-incredibly-convoluted-life-as-a-changeling-monarch/chapter-23-the-incredibly-rocking-battle-for-the-crystal-empire