Some day, this will be a "Last.fm/NetFlix/Amazon for web fiction" (both original and fanfiction) where you can search across many different hosting sites or rate what you've read and get recommendations. However, life keeps throwing more urgent projects my way, so I don't know when it'll be ready.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/10673186/5/"Welcome home, Harry, how was your first week of school?" Integra greeted Harry from behind the heavy oak desk in what was now her office in Hellsing Manor, overlooking the distant London Skyline from the second floor.
In front of the desk, Harry bowed his head. "Largely uneventful."
Tuesday
Professor McGonagall smashed open the door to Dumbledore's office, wild-eyed with fright. "Harry Potter has gotten into a fight with Peeves! There are knives everywhere!"
Dumbledore spat out his tea. Behind him, his phoenix Fawkes squawked loudly in surprise.
"The classes aren't very difficult in the least, much easier than the primary education I've received from Grandfather and Ms. Pinkstone."
Wednesday
Professor Slughorn swung open the door and marched in. "Professor Dumbledore, Harry's somehow made an Essence of Insanity Potion! Half of my students are rioting in the halls, and the other half think they're trees!"
Dumbledore jumped from the sudden arrival, startling Fawkes–who flapped his wings rapidly.
"Much harder to deal with are the teachers, honestly."
Thursday
Pansy Parkinson opened the door to Dumbledore's office, terrified. "Professor Quirrell's stuck to the ceiling! And on fire!"
Dumbledore nearly choked on a lemon drop. Fawkes exploded.
"But I think the next week will be much better."
Friday
An almost giddy Professor McGonagall swept into Dumbledore's office. "Professor! Potter has exorcised Peeves! Ah, after one thousand years, we're free!"
Dumbledore, halfway to signing a letter of expulsion, looked up and smiled before crumpling up the letter and tossing it at the pile of ashes that was once Fawkes, who incinerated it when he flared back to life.
"I'm glad it's gone so well for you, Harry. It's been better than my week," Integra said with a weary sigh.
"What happened?" Harry asked.
"Richard attempted to kill me so he could gain control of The Organization. He almost succeeded, except that Father told me of the Unstoppable Vampire God we keep locked in the basement. Suffice it to say, Richard is now stuffed up the bum of a cow on a farm off the A10."
Harry processed that for a moment. "We have a vampire?"
Alucard passed through the wall holding a stack of CDs, causing Harry to jump a bit. "God damn it, Freddie's dead, Jerry's dead, Kurt's dead, Bradley's dead, all of Metallica is dead."
Integra looked up at him. "Metallica isn't dead-"
Alucard held up a copy of the "I Disappear" single.
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