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As he moved forward, tossing aside his robe, he passed through what felt like a layer of cobwebs and he found himself standing in the middle of a ritual circle in the forest with his shirt unbuttoned and his pants around his ankles.

A lot of the people surrounding him looked more than a little familiar too. He pulled his pants up and snapped his fingers, conjuring a lit cigarette – a trick he'd learned solely for the purpose of impressing girls. Taking a drag he blew a stream of smoke out and considered his options.

"I'm trying to be calm and reasonable," Harry said. "Really, I am. However I was about to have a threesome with two dynamite blondes when you summoned me here, so you can see my dilemma."

"I am-" a white bearded mage began.

"Albus 'too many middle names to count' Dumbledore," Harry interrupted. "Summoned to fight a great evil, let's skip the obvious and get to the part where you restore the threesome you stole from me."

"Who?" one of the wizards blurted out curiously.

"Abbot and Bones," Harry said with a grin.

There was some arguing from the outer circle and two men stepped forward. "We swear by our magic to ..." the pair both gritted their teeth like they were saying something painful and continued, "do all in our power to … recreate your threesome if you honestly listen to the circle's proposal."

"So we swear," everyone chorused and a flare of blue light came from all within the circle to seal their vow.

Harry blinked in surprise. "Okay I'll listen."

Albus started over, "My name is Albus … Dumbledore, Headmaster of Hogwarts and we summoned you to prevent a war."

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7627510/1/